WOW: Small Expectations

Everything seems bigger,Now that I am small.

Blades of grass are slides,
While windows are skyscrapers.

Trees stretch on forever,
Branches pointing towards the sky.

Strangely,
The sky seems no bigger,
Then it was,
When I was bigger.
That's the only thing that is the same.

I play and run,
On tiny feet.

I touch and feel,
With tiny hands.

I look and see,
With tiny eyes.

I listen and hear,
With tiny ears.

I sense the world around me,
With a heart as big as the sky.

The Only Spot of Light

In the darkness,
The only spot of light
Is the moonlight

Amidst the lies
The only spot of light
Is the truth

In my life
The only spot of light
Is you

My light
Is you

You are my anchor
My connection to the ground

In the shadows
The only spot of light
Is the sunlight

Amidst the doubts
The only spot of light
Is the faith

In my life
The only spot of light
Is you

My light
Is you

You are my spaceship
My highway to the stars

In my life
The only spot of light
Is you

I'm scared

I won't say I'm sorry
Because you won't believe me

I will say I'm scared.
I know you'll scoff and laugh,
But I'm scared.

I'm scared of being friendless, of being alone
I'm scared of your retaliation, your anger
I'm scared of the looks, the whispers
I'm scared of you.

If I expose you for what you did,
If we get in a fight,
You can say, "I didn't mean it that way."
And I will have no reply.

I will be left alone,
Standing there in the wake of your anger,
With everyone staring at me.

So, yes, I'm scared.

3 things

Physical wounds,
They heal over time.

Mental wounds,
They never heal at all.

I will grow, I will change.
I will move on, find new friends.
I will never be the same as when I was before what happened.

Before the fights, the cruel words, the rude actions,
I was happier, brighter, able to laugh at anything.

Now, after the fights, the cruel words, the rude actions,
I am sadder, with the past looming over me.

Sometimes I wish I could take it back,
Everything I said, everything I did.
Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way it was before.
The blissful ignorance of what would come, enjoying every moment to its fullest.

Then, I think of the saying that goes:
The one thing we learn from history, is that we don't learn from history.
I know that if we could take it all back,
It would just happen again,
Just how it did before.

I realize now, looking back on 8 years of friendship,
That you and I were never really fit to be good friends.
You liked one thing, I always liked the other.
You were one way, I was always the opposite.

Somehow we made it work for 8 years,
But it was sort of like a bomb.
It was always in danger of exploding,
We just didn't know when.

Finally, I know 3 things.
1. We were never really fit to be good friends.
2. You weren't doing this because I'm me, you were doing it because you don't know what else to do.
3. We will both be happier if we go our separate ways.

Versatile Blogger Award!!!

I would like to thank both Claire and Stephanie for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!!!! The rules are that if you are nominated, then you have to post 7 things about yourself and then nominate others. Here goes!

1. I love the Classical languages (Latin and Greek)
2. I have been to 4 European countries (Germany, Greece, Italy, and Spain)
3. At my first sleep away camp, I got the flu and had to go home.
4. I am vegetarian.
5. On my Ipod, I have random things, like Taylor Swift, Lily Allen, Glee Cast, All Time Low, Selena Gomez, etc.
6. I have read so many books, that sometimes, I get my real memories mixed up with what I've read in books.
7. When I grow up, I want to live in London.

Here are some of my nominees:
Claire: http://quiltofdragonflies.blogspot.com/
Sam: http://lambencyandreverie.blogspot.com/2012/02/wow-collection-of-memories.html?showComment=1329529588387#c2255249373744519074
Catch up with a mate: http://catchupwithamate.com/2012/02/17/write-on-wednesday-monsters-under-your-bed/#comment-281

My Heart

My heart used to be whole.
Then you came along and shattered it.

I thought you were my friend,
But I guess I was wrong

Now, my heart is made of glass
Easily broken again.

You break it every day,
With your snide words and rude actions

I always laugh it off,
Pretending like nothing happened,

But really,
I'm picking up the pieces.

I used to play a waiting game,
Hoping that my heart would heal enough

But now its gone too far
I'm going to protect my heart from you

I'm protecting it at all costs,
Doing anything to keep my heart safe.

I won't let you break me again,
Not now, not ever

So throw your words and smile,
But my heart is made of stone

You can't do anything to hurt me
So stop trying to attack my heart.

You are the one

You are the one who destroyed me
The one who made me who I am today
You say cruel things, designed to bring down my walls
And then you shoot me in the heart

Before, I was different
I was more confident, happier
Now, I am different
I am insecure, despairing

I want to ask you one thing
Why did you do this?
Did you do it because you hate me?
Or simply because I'm me?

Please answer me truthfully,
As best you can
I won't tell anyone,
Nor will I get mad at you for saying the truth
I just want to know.

Because maybe if I know,
I can deal with it better
Because right now, I'm lost
I have no idea how to change what you did to me

And maybe I never will
But I plead with you,
Don't make anyone else suffer like I do
It will not work out for you or them.
You will destroy them, like you did me.

 So even while I flounder and drown
They flower and grow.
Don't kill that. Please?

WOW: Collection

I would bring it home,
Wash it off,
Put it on a shelf to dry
Promising to take it down later

That would never happen
It would forever be on that shelf
Gathering dust and memories

Now that I reflect,
That rock or seashell deserves to be in a better place
I might've thought that my shelf was a good home,
But it turns out, where it was before is the best.

If you don't like that thought,
Just think of this.

Think of the world as a great big collection.

So when you go to pick something up from the ground
Remember that it is already in a collection, and doesn't need to be in yours.
So admire its beauty from afar, and leave it be.

I'm so sorry

Dismissing anything I do as insignificant, you basically say, "I am more important then you."Our friendship is unbalanced, like a seesaw, when all I ever do is listen to you, but you never listen to me. Every time I speak, you turn away, finding something more important. I'm just here to say, "Listen to me one last time, before you won't have to listen to me anymore."

Whenever I'm gone, you are happier. All I ever seem to do is bring you down. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you, so sorry for the trouble I've brought with me. But now you won't have to deal with that anymore, because I'm leaving. Now you can go and enjoy your life, without having me to deal with.

I've done this before, broken off a friendship, and it didn't end well for me. All your friends ganged up on me, even though it wasn't their battle to fight. I should've told them to shove off, but I stayed silent, and let them crush me into nothing. Now, I'm going to do it again, and I'm scared. I'm scared of how you'll react, how you'll friends will pummel me. But this time, I'll stand up for myself and tell them to take a hike, because this isn't their battle to fight. My fight is with you.

I am prepared for loneliness, until I find new friends. I'll sit alone, because probably no one will want me after word gets around. I'll hum my songs and write my poems, so please leave me alone, because I don't want this to be more difficult for either of us. We've had 7 solid years of friendship, and I enjoyed that. But now it's time for us to part, so I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Maybe someone will notice...

They walk on by,
You're in the background, never noticed

They make decisions without you,
Hopping a train to the next station, neglecting to get you a ticket

Left behind, all alone
But life keeps moving

Running at a sprint to keep pace
But you're getting tired, steps getting slower

Dropping farther and farther behind,
Missing increasingly important things

Never able to catch up,
To get a step ahead; always a step behind

Sprinting with sacks full of worries,
Things everyone else hasn't thought of

Leaden with stress and grief
Weighing you down with every step

Just give up, give in
Stop and save yourself
And maybe someone will notice

Disappointment

Disappointment washes over me
Both inside and out
Destroying me, reducing me to nothing

I fight back tears
Blinking fiercely in defense

A voice follows me around
Torturing me with cruel words

I can't escape it
Though I want to fight it

Fear pummels me,
Bringing me to my knees
Leaving me defenseless

I crumble from inside out
Self-esteem gone, never there

How can I survive?
I hang my head
Shame overpowering my will

I am helpless
Nothing to protect me from my mind
I wallow in self-pity, wondering how I'll recover

I square my shoulders
Bringing my head up
Determined to succeed this time

The thing no one ever hears

No one listens to you
You're the wind in the background
Just a wisp, there one second, gone the next

You're invisible to everyone
Just the backdrop of the play

They're all caught up in their own little world
In a bubble of words

You try to break through to them
But the walls are impenetrable

They talk about you like you're not there
Even when you're standing not 5 feet away

You're the wind in the background
The backdrop of the play
The thing no one ever hears
Though you're the loudest thing there