They

I am alone. Nobody understands me. They act like they do, but they don't. Even my closest friends don't. They don't like the same things as me, and when I try to talk about my interests with them, they don't listen. They change the subject, or ignore me. They don't believe what I say, no matter what I'm talking about. They didn't notice when I became more reserved, less outspoken, at least to them. They didn't notice when I started humming to myself, when they weren't talking to me, or getting more absorbed in my books, to compensate for their silences. They didn't notice when I stopped talking to them as much as I used to, or when I started to branch off into more studies and less social time. They didn't notice when I stopped hanging out with them, because they wouldn't include me, and I would just trail behind, feeling like an extra wheel. I hope they notice now. Now that I'm leaving, our last times together dwindling as the weather grows warmer. I hope they notice before I'm gone, and they can't do anything about it.

You

You make me feel insignificant,
making me feel small.

You are the one with the power,
the power to crush or save me.

You are the one that holds my heart,
My heart which is made of glass,
Easily shattered into pieces.

Stop making me feel small,
Because it's you you're torturing.

Save me,
Because without your help, I will not live.

Let go of my heart,
Because it's your heart you're holding.

If you stop,
I will forgive you.

If you don't,
I will die.

Escape

I escape
into my books,
running,
fleeing,
from my life,
from the stress,
from all the problems.

The bad things of my life
crowd around me,
threatening to swallow me alive.

I escape,
letting fake lives,
fake adventures,
sweep me away,
temporarily solving all my troubles,
temporarily pausing my life.

When the book ends,
the last page is turned,
the final word is read,
reality returns,
And my life resumes.

What You Don't Know

You don't realize
everything that's been going on.
You don't realize
how you've been treating me,
these last few weeks.
You don't realize
how far you've pushed me away.

We used to be so close,
when we were young.
Now,
I feel like an outcast.
The one that doesn't belong.

You found new friends,
moved on,
while I was left behind,
choking on your dust.

Your friends
pushed you away from me,
isolating me,
without even trying.

You haven't noticed
that I've been retreating into my books,
finding sanctuary from you and your friends.

You don't know
how what you've done
has affected me.

What you don't know,
Is everything,
And it's killing me.

Zaniness

Drumming on the table,
Or swinging our legs,
Zaniness is everywhere.

Whether we notice or not,
It is there.
Whether we like it or not,
It is there.

We might not notice it,
Or notice it
And just not acknowledge it,
Zaniness is everywhere.

It creeps into our lives,
Declaring itself present,
For a class called, "Our lives"

And though it might be our worst enemy,
Distracting us from our daily lives,
Or our best friend,
Keeping us occupied,
Even in the worst of situations.
Whatever role it takes in our lives,
We need to accept it,
For what it is,
Or it will never leave us alone.

We need to accept
That zaniness,
Quirkiness,
Strangeness,
Or all around weirdness,
Is just going to be a part of our lives,
From start to finish.
From the time we wake,
To the time we fall asleep forever.

We need to stop trying to cut it out of our lives,
Because,
Frankly,
Zaniness,
Is like a cockroach.
It is indestructible!

We will never cut it out fully,
Because,
Without it,
We are nothing.

Nothing is enough

I am confident,
I am happy.
But only on the outside.

It is only an act,
A way to cover the pain I'm in,
The suffering, the torture.

You have tortured me for years,
But only now realized what was happening.
You only now realized the truth,
What was going on behind the scenes.

I put up a wall,
Impenetrable,
Yet so flimsy.
It is like one way glass,
Visible through one end,
But only one end.

Make no mistake,
I have fought back,
Through violence,
Through words,
But you never got the message.

The message I was sending,
Telling you to stop,
That I was dying inside.
Even though you have noticed,
Noticed my pain, what you have done,
It is not enough.
It is not enough to make you stop.

Every word you say,
It is like an arrow to my heart.
It is like poison to my blood,
Killing me slowly,
But unable to be seen by others.

I have tried everything,
From avoidance,
To violence,
But you always creep back into my life.

I know if I take the battle to you,
Showing you exactly what you've put me through,
You might stop.
The thing is,
You've already seen it all.
And you're still doing it, torturing me.

I am everything/I can be anything

The pages sigh,

A gentle sound,

While the words fly off the page,

Wrapping me in an imaginary world,

Delving me into an alternate fantasy.

I am a dragon,

I am a human,

I am a werewolf,

I am a goddess,

I am an alien,

I am everything.

The words spin around me,

Creating a bubble,

Cutting me off,

From my life,

Ending the anxiety, the stress

I can be a vampire,

I can be a hero,

I can be an animal,

I can be an archaeologist,

I can be me.

I can be anything.

I end the journey, the adventures,

The hardships, the terrors,

The joys, the discoveries,

I end the book,

Close the pages,

And return to reality.

The Train Station

At the train station,
My friends get on the train,
And the conductor yells,
"Final Boarding Call!"

I hurry to get on the train,
But I am pushed away.

As the train starts,
My friends say,
"We'll meet you at the next station."

So I walk to the next station
And wait.

They never come.

When the train rushes through the station,
They yell,
"At the next station!"
 Their screams swallowed by the wind,
Just like my hope.

I walk to the next station,
and wait.

They never come.

So I quit.

I walk away,
Away from them,
From the train,
From the station,
Away from promises as fickle as the wind.

I walk away from the chase,
The monkey in the middle,
I am the chaser, the monkey.

I get on the next train without them.
Leaving the train station,
To the next stop in my life.

Isolated

Sometimes I feel isolated,
Holed up in my room,
When everybody else is outside.

While I do homework or read,
They laugh and talk,
Of things I'll never know,
Because I was in my room.

Then, when I finally emerge,
I do things I'm not supposed to do,
Things that they talked about,
While I was in my room.

I get blamed for things I didn't know,
Things I didn't understand,
Things I never realized.

Sometimes I feel like I'm an anchor,
Like I'm only holding them back.

Sometimes I feel like they're on a train,
While I'm still at the station.

I feel like I'm stuck in cement,
While life goes on without me.

I can never quite catch up,
Even when they stop for me.

And so,
I end up
Holed up
In my room,

Isolated from my life.

WOW: Small Expectations

Everything seems bigger,Now that I am small.

Blades of grass are slides,
While windows are skyscrapers.

Trees stretch on forever,
Branches pointing towards the sky.

Strangely,
The sky seems no bigger,
Then it was,
When I was bigger.
That's the only thing that is the same.

I play and run,
On tiny feet.

I touch and feel,
With tiny hands.

I look and see,
With tiny eyes.

I listen and hear,
With tiny ears.

I sense the world around me,
With a heart as big as the sky.

The Only Spot of Light

In the darkness,
The only spot of light
Is the moonlight

Amidst the lies
The only spot of light
Is the truth

In my life
The only spot of light
Is you

My light
Is you

You are my anchor
My connection to the ground

In the shadows
The only spot of light
Is the sunlight

Amidst the doubts
The only spot of light
Is the faith

In my life
The only spot of light
Is you

My light
Is you

You are my spaceship
My highway to the stars

In my life
The only spot of light
Is you

I'm scared

I won't say I'm sorry
Because you won't believe me

I will say I'm scared.
I know you'll scoff and laugh,
But I'm scared.

I'm scared of being friendless, of being alone
I'm scared of your retaliation, your anger
I'm scared of the looks, the whispers
I'm scared of you.

If I expose you for what you did,
If we get in a fight,
You can say, "I didn't mean it that way."
And I will have no reply.

I will be left alone,
Standing there in the wake of your anger,
With everyone staring at me.

So, yes, I'm scared.

3 things

Physical wounds,
They heal over time.

Mental wounds,
They never heal at all.

I will grow, I will change.
I will move on, find new friends.
I will never be the same as when I was before what happened.

Before the fights, the cruel words, the rude actions,
I was happier, brighter, able to laugh at anything.

Now, after the fights, the cruel words, the rude actions,
I am sadder, with the past looming over me.

Sometimes I wish I could take it back,
Everything I said, everything I did.
Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way it was before.
The blissful ignorance of what would come, enjoying every moment to its fullest.

Then, I think of the saying that goes:
The one thing we learn from history, is that we don't learn from history.
I know that if we could take it all back,
It would just happen again,
Just how it did before.

I realize now, looking back on 8 years of friendship,
That you and I were never really fit to be good friends.
You liked one thing, I always liked the other.
You were one way, I was always the opposite.

Somehow we made it work for 8 years,
But it was sort of like a bomb.
It was always in danger of exploding,
We just didn't know when.

Finally, I know 3 things.
1. We were never really fit to be good friends.
2. You weren't doing this because I'm me, you were doing it because you don't know what else to do.
3. We will both be happier if we go our separate ways.

Versatile Blogger Award!!!

I would like to thank both Claire and Stephanie for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!!!! The rules are that if you are nominated, then you have to post 7 things about yourself and then nominate others. Here goes!

1. I love the Classical languages (Latin and Greek)
2. I have been to 4 European countries (Germany, Greece, Italy, and Spain)
3. At my first sleep away camp, I got the flu and had to go home.
4. I am vegetarian.
5. On my Ipod, I have random things, like Taylor Swift, Lily Allen, Glee Cast, All Time Low, Selena Gomez, etc.
6. I have read so many books, that sometimes, I get my real memories mixed up with what I've read in books.
7. When I grow up, I want to live in London.

Here are some of my nominees:
Claire: http://quiltofdragonflies.blogspot.com/
Sam: http://lambencyandreverie.blogspot.com/2012/02/wow-collection-of-memories.html?showComment=1329529588387#c2255249373744519074
Catch up with a mate: http://catchupwithamate.com/2012/02/17/write-on-wednesday-monsters-under-your-bed/#comment-281

My Heart

My heart used to be whole.
Then you came along and shattered it.

I thought you were my friend,
But I guess I was wrong

Now, my heart is made of glass
Easily broken again.

You break it every day,
With your snide words and rude actions

I always laugh it off,
Pretending like nothing happened,

But really,
I'm picking up the pieces.

I used to play a waiting game,
Hoping that my heart would heal enough

But now its gone too far
I'm going to protect my heart from you

I'm protecting it at all costs,
Doing anything to keep my heart safe.

I won't let you break me again,
Not now, not ever

So throw your words and smile,
But my heart is made of stone

You can't do anything to hurt me
So stop trying to attack my heart.

You are the one

You are the one who destroyed me
The one who made me who I am today
You say cruel things, designed to bring down my walls
And then you shoot me in the heart

Before, I was different
I was more confident, happier
Now, I am different
I am insecure, despairing

I want to ask you one thing
Why did you do this?
Did you do it because you hate me?
Or simply because I'm me?

Please answer me truthfully,
As best you can
I won't tell anyone,
Nor will I get mad at you for saying the truth
I just want to know.

Because maybe if I know,
I can deal with it better
Because right now, I'm lost
I have no idea how to change what you did to me

And maybe I never will
But I plead with you,
Don't make anyone else suffer like I do
It will not work out for you or them.
You will destroy them, like you did me.

 So even while I flounder and drown
They flower and grow.
Don't kill that. Please?

WOW: Collection

I would bring it home,
Wash it off,
Put it on a shelf to dry
Promising to take it down later

That would never happen
It would forever be on that shelf
Gathering dust and memories

Now that I reflect,
That rock or seashell deserves to be in a better place
I might've thought that my shelf was a good home,
But it turns out, where it was before is the best.

If you don't like that thought,
Just think of this.

Think of the world as a great big collection.

So when you go to pick something up from the ground
Remember that it is already in a collection, and doesn't need to be in yours.
So admire its beauty from afar, and leave it be.

I'm so sorry

Dismissing anything I do as insignificant, you basically say, "I am more important then you."Our friendship is unbalanced, like a seesaw, when all I ever do is listen to you, but you never listen to me. Every time I speak, you turn away, finding something more important. I'm just here to say, "Listen to me one last time, before you won't have to listen to me anymore."

Whenever I'm gone, you are happier. All I ever seem to do is bring you down. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you, so sorry for the trouble I've brought with me. But now you won't have to deal with that anymore, because I'm leaving. Now you can go and enjoy your life, without having me to deal with.

I've done this before, broken off a friendship, and it didn't end well for me. All your friends ganged up on me, even though it wasn't their battle to fight. I should've told them to shove off, but I stayed silent, and let them crush me into nothing. Now, I'm going to do it again, and I'm scared. I'm scared of how you'll react, how you'll friends will pummel me. But this time, I'll stand up for myself and tell them to take a hike, because this isn't their battle to fight. My fight is with you.

I am prepared for loneliness, until I find new friends. I'll sit alone, because probably no one will want me after word gets around. I'll hum my songs and write my poems, so please leave me alone, because I don't want this to be more difficult for either of us. We've had 7 solid years of friendship, and I enjoyed that. But now it's time for us to part, so I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Maybe someone will notice...

They walk on by,
You're in the background, never noticed

They make decisions without you,
Hopping a train to the next station, neglecting to get you a ticket

Left behind, all alone
But life keeps moving

Running at a sprint to keep pace
But you're getting tired, steps getting slower

Dropping farther and farther behind,
Missing increasingly important things

Never able to catch up,
To get a step ahead; always a step behind

Sprinting with sacks full of worries,
Things everyone else hasn't thought of

Leaden with stress and grief
Weighing you down with every step

Just give up, give in
Stop and save yourself
And maybe someone will notice

Disappointment

Disappointment washes over me
Both inside and out
Destroying me, reducing me to nothing

I fight back tears
Blinking fiercely in defense

A voice follows me around
Torturing me with cruel words

I can't escape it
Though I want to fight it

Fear pummels me,
Bringing me to my knees
Leaving me defenseless

I crumble from inside out
Self-esteem gone, never there

How can I survive?
I hang my head
Shame overpowering my will

I am helpless
Nothing to protect me from my mind
I wallow in self-pity, wondering how I'll recover

I square my shoulders
Bringing my head up
Determined to succeed this time

The thing no one ever hears

No one listens to you
You're the wind in the background
Just a wisp, there one second, gone the next

You're invisible to everyone
Just the backdrop of the play

They're all caught up in their own little world
In a bubble of words

You try to break through to them
But the walls are impenetrable

They talk about you like you're not there
Even when you're standing not 5 feet away

You're the wind in the background
The backdrop of the play
The thing no one ever hears
Though you're the loudest thing there

WOW: Nature

The branches spin upward
Yearning for sunshine and light

The wind rustles through the leaves,
Peaceful as wind chimes

The sun shines through the branches,
Dappling the ground

The birds cheep lazily
Flitting from branch to branch

The leaves fall,
A waterfall of color

There is a calming aura spreading
Influencing everything in its grasp

The tree shields me from malevolent things
Like an umbrella of peace over the land

Never ending cycle

You smile and wave
Seeming like everything's ok

But when you're alone,
You crash and burn

You cry all night
Mourning in silence

In the morning,dry your tears
Happy and ecstatic today

No one ever finds out
They all can't see the truth

You hide from everyone
Because no one will ever understand

Teased by everyone
About your awkwardness, obscurity

Pain, humiliation, shame
The center of your life

Ever falling, ever falling,
Never able to get out
Of the never ending cycle of horror, grief and shame

The cliff's edge

They gang up on you,
Making you feel insignifigant
They push you towards the cliff's edge
With a sheer drop to your death

You try to persuade them,
But they overpower you
They won't listen to your reasoning,
Saying, "guilty until proven innocent"

They push you ever closer to the cliff edge
You try to push back,
But it is futile
You are not strong enough to fight

They won't stop for anything
Not food, not warmth, nothing
Everything you do, they feed off of,
You're supplying them with a never ending source of humilitation

You don't want to give in
But that's the only way you can pull through
You can't accept your fate,
Not when it will go on forever

They sneer at you,
Laughing at your pain
Not caring about how you feel
Not caring about anything except themselves

You look at the bottom of the cliff
Wanting to end it on your terms
You look back at your life
Close your eyes and jump

A wolf's emotions

The pale eyes watching you
Canines snapping at your fingertips
Nostrils widening at your scent
The howl of a wolf
Enough to stun you into silence

The pale eyes watching you
Mouth widening into a grin
Wet nose nudging at your face
The love of a wolf
Enough to stun you into silence

Nature poem

Nature

The moon and stars shine

Lending us light in our darkest hour

The sun radiates heat

Warming us despite the ice

The wind blows

Freeing us from sadness and sorrow, stress and grief

The trees sway

Sending a calming aura across the land

The water ripples

Changing everything every second

The rocks tumble

Giving us solidity at our weakest moment

Nature naturally helps us,

But in return,

We are destroying it

But let me ask you one question

Is it worth it?

Write on Wednesday

"Did you hear how I phrased it?" he said, looking at me.
"Yeah." I answered, meeting his gaze for a second, but then flicking away. This was always happening to me, people correcting me on everything I said. I used to think, "Why do you ridicule me for my mistakes, but when I point out yours, you scream at me?". Now, I just accept everything calmly, knowing that it will probably go on for the rest of my life. I can never escape it, never get away from it. It's just going to always be a part of my life, and I just need to accept that. But the thing is, I don't want to. I need to, but I don't want to.

Anything I try to do, I get ridiculed. Nothing will help. Absolutely nothing. I am all alone on a cliff, standing at the edge, with people laughing and pushing me closer to the edge, to the sheer drop. I try to push back, but they're too strong. I have nothing to save me, except to end it on my own terms and just jump before they can push me. I hope that at the last minute, they will change their minds and stop pushing. But I know that's not likely. Actually, it's never going to happen. No matter how many times they promise to stop, it always starts again. I just have to accept my fate and jump.

IamtheGreekGeek: The stories a tree could tell....

IamtheGreekGeek: The stories a tree could tell....: A tree could tell a lot of stories. It could tell of all the storms it's weathered, or of how it's surroundings have changed throughout the ...

The stories a tree could tell....

A tree could tell a lot of stories. It could tell of all the storms it's weathered, or of how it's surroundings have changed throughout the centuries it's been alive. I feel that a tree would have a very strong, deep, confident, calm, patient voice, don't you think? It would develop all those qualities throughout its life, patience coming last of all, because, or course, that is the most difficult quality to obtain. If a tree could tell stories, I would gladly sit there and listen, for the rest of my life, to all the stories a tree would tell. The people who would get impatient and stomp away would not be able to appreciate the tree's wisdom, and therefore, not hear its lessons. I think we should all listen to trees, they could teach us a lot about our selves, others, and the world.

My life

This is how I'm viewing my life right now. I wrote a little poem about it, I don't think it's very good, its kind of depressing.

My Life

Spiraling down into the deep dark hole called my life

With only brief flashes of light to sustain me

In this deep dark hole called my life

I never know if I'll ever get out alive

The nightmares chase me

Torturing me with my life

I relive the memories

Crying at the stranger called my life

I'm spiraling down into the deep dark hole called my life

I never know if I'll ever get out alive

In this deep dark hole called my life

No one's here to see me when I die

I used to laugh at all the small things

Now I laugh at nothing

I used to run and enjoy my life

Now I wait for it all to end

Nothing can save me

Not the moon, not the sun

Nor love, the eternal kind

I'm trapped here, in my mind

I'm questioning everything I knew

  Is this is all truely happening to me?

Could this all be a dream, a fantasy?

I wake up, throwing myself into my life

Blinking at all the light that sustains me

Was that thing I knew my life?

I guess it was, don't know what else to say

I'm not spiraling down into the deep dark hole called my life

Instead, I'm basking in the light of my new life

I throw myself into everything I do

Trying not to allow the thing I saw to come true

Autumn Poem

I composed a poem about autumn when I was walking home from school, in about 5 min. Of course, I revised and edited it, later on, but still... I think that that is a pretty big accomplishment for me, since I usually don't write poetry, and if I do, it is usually written in hours, not minutes. I think that this is pretty good, at least for me, so let me know what you think! Well, here goes nothing! Wish me (or my poem) luck!

Autumn

When the leaves change colors

The wind begins to blow

The apples ripen

For frosty snow

When the birds begin to nest

The flowers start to die

When the weather turns cold

In the brisk autumn sky

The leaves begin to fall

And dew becomes frost

When rain turns to snow

Summer is lost

When water becomes ice

The wind turns cold

The fires are lit

And stories are told

When the grass starts to sprout

The sun begins to shine

Flowers start to bloom

And love blossoms fine

The weather turns hot

The sun fails to set

Cold is wanted

And people start to fret

When the leaves change colors

Everybody knows

Autumn is coming

And the world seems aglow